don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
