Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
