I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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