Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
