i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
