Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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