I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
