worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
