i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
