get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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