Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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