There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
