I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
