So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
