I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
