Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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