Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
