Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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