Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
