So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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