STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
