Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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