I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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