It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
