Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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