Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
