i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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