you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
