I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
