I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
