What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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