Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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