I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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