I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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