I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
