wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Two words: nipple clamps
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