a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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