The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize