sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
