May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
