You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
