I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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