i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
