I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
