Just fell off a train. Bad.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
