There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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