Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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