i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
