She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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