He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
