I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
