So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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