how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
