No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
