Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
