everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
