since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
