I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Randomize
