We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We need to get me chipped asap
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
