I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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