i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
